Big school

My eldest just started school this week. Being the mother that I am, I was of course, very apprehensive about her first day of school.  After all, she was starting school mid-semester. All her classmates started first grade in August of the previous year, so they were all older than her and they have been together for some time.

Before she started school, the school gave her an assessment exam to see if she was fit to join the first graders mid- semester or join the kindergarten 2 class.  They were very pleased that she could read very well already and did well in Math so they said she was fit to join the first graders.

On her first day, she took the school bus to school. We went separately and just waited for the arrival of the school bus in school. Despite this being her first time to take the school bus, she was in high spirits when we met her at the bus bay. She never seemed anxious when we brought her to class. She actually looked completely fine in her new surroundings.

At the end of the first day, her teacher sent me an email telling me that my daughter had a fantastic first day at school. She was already participating in class and she even did well
in swimming class (yes, first graders have swimming classes already)!  I was so happy with what I have read. But of course, I had to ask my daughter how she felt.  When  I asked my daughter how school was after her first day, she told me that school was fun.  I breathed a sigh of relief.

At the end of each day, I always ask my kids how school was for that day, what they learned, what they did.

On the third night of school, when I asked my daughter how school was, she gave me the same answer, :"It was fun!".  But tonight, her story was not finished.  She told me one of her female classmates told her:" You're not the smartest student." This short sentence alarmed me!  She has only been in the new school for 3 days, and already she gets this comment from her classmate.  Despite my unhappiness (to put it mildly) about what I heard, I decided to probe her, while trying to keep my calm.  I did not want her to see that the words spoken were not exactly very nice and that I am not happy about it.  So, I just asked her what she said in response to that.  She told me that she told her classmate that she practices the lessons at home every night. I decided to leave it at that.

The following day,  after school, I decided to subtly probe her again regarding her classmate, if anything else was said, if she wanted to give me more details as to the events surrounding the situation.  This time, what she told me actually surprised me. My daughter just told me:" It's okay now, Mommy."  To which I asked, "What do you mean, it's okay now?" And then she elaborated.  Apparently, the day after the incident, my sweet little girl decided to tell the teacher about what happened. The teacher then decided to call the student right away and probed her as to why said those things to my daughter.  The teacher then asked her to apologize to my daughter.  Before my daughter accepted the apology, she told the girl not to do it again.  I told my daughter I was so proud of her, of how she handled the situation. My daughter then continued her story, saying:"Because I can read very well." Apparently, the words may have been spoken because my daughter could read very well.

But, after she told me about what she did, I wasn't sad anymore.  I became happy and proud of this little girl.  Despite appearing unaffected by words said to her, she decided to handle the situation by herself.  In this instance, I never even thought to tell her to talk to her teacher about it.

In the past, I always told her not to pick a fight with her classmates.  I always told her, if something happens, if someone is being mean to her or someone hurt her, she should just go to the teacher directly.  And that's what she did.  She was able to handle herself and the situation very well! This made me so proud of her.

Now that I think about the situation that happened, it made me realize that what happened to my daughter was already a form of bullying.  Her classmate was trying to hurt her self-confidence.  But what shocked me about it was, even in grade one it can happen.  I hope parents can teach their kids to be better human beings. No one should be superior. No one should be inferior.  Everyone has their own talents and everyone will learn at their own pace.

But most of all, we should always teach our kids to be confident of themselves and their abilities, and to always remember that they are loved no matter what.

The start of school

The start of the year has been a very exciting time for us, the small one is starting pre-school and the big one is going to big school already.

For the last month, I have been priming my little one about pre-school.  I was apprehensive that she might cry on the first few days of school.  I would ask her almost everyday if she was excited to start school, and her answer would be the same:"Yes!"

On her first day of school, she seemed excited to be carrying her new school bag as we left the house.  The whole family brought her to school.  Once there, she immersed herself in class right away!  No tears.  And that has continued.  She has finished her second week of school already with no tears.  She seems to have adjusted to school very well.  At the end of each day, when I ask her how school was, she would tell me that it was fun! 

I partly attribute this to the fact that the little one has been going to her sister's school to pick her up and to watch her shows.  She also saw that her sister goes to school, so she knows that this is the next step for her too.

With my little one, I have been seeing the advantages of not being the firstborn child.  Because she idolizes her big sister, she wants to do everything her big sister does.  It has been very easy for us because of this.  She was fully toilet-trained (no diapers even at night) before she turned two.  She eats by herself. She prepares her own food and drink.  Sometimes, she even pretends to be the mommy and helps button her big sister's clothes on.

Now, the next step for her is her first ever school performance for Chinese New Year. I am already prepping her for her for this.  How do I prepare her, you may ask?  I just tell her everyday that I am very excited to see her perform on stage for the Chinese New Year celebration.  I then ask her if she wants to sing and dance on stage.  I told her I would be sitting on the front row to watch her and take a video of her performance.  She would then smile and tell me she will performing on stage. I am confident that she will do well in her first ever school performance. Excited to see the little one on stage!

Why travelling is good for your family

Our family travels.  A lot.  We have travelled more when the kids were born compared to when it was just the two of us.

True, travelling with little kids is not exactly a walk in the park.  But, every time we travel, the whole 24 hours of each day is spent with each other.  We do not have to go to work, our daughter does not have to go to school.  Our time is focused on each other, sharing experiences, finding joy in the littlest of things.

Travelling is our way of bonding with each other.  Travelling helps us create more memories with our kids.  Travelling exposes them to different cultures, different food, different races and nationalities.  It also teaches them flexibilty.  They can adjust to any situation without difficulty.

Because our kids have been travelling since they were young, they have never had crying moments on the plane. In fact, they enjoy travelling.  They enjoy the time we spend together. They enjoy looking at pictures of our trips, especially pictures of when they were younger.  They like the idea that they were there with us on all those trips. Sure, they may not remember everything they experienced on those trips, but when they see themselves in those pictures, they also smile and feel good.  They know that they were part of the experience.

But for me, the best part of travelling is seeing the excitement on your kids' faces when they see new things, experience new places, try new food.  Travelling is an experience and learning not only for the kids, but for the parents as well.

So, travel with your kids.  It will never be a waste.  Look past the packing and unpacking, but on the time spent together. You will not regret it.

A blessing or a struggle?

Today, as we celebrate our seventh wedding anniversary, I come to the realization that we have come a long way.

We started our married life overseas, away from family and friends.  It was okay at first, when it was just the two of us.  But, once the kids came, I used to always think that I was at a disadvantage compared to the locals because we did not have our families to help us.  It was made especially hard because we didn't know how we would balance work and taking care of our tiny humans.  

I used to envy my friends because they can leave their little ones with their parents and just pick them up after work, while I did not have that option.  It takes a village to raise a child.  But my village consisted of two people, myself and the hubby.  Sure, we had a helper in the house.  But, it is hard to leave your little one with a stranger you know nothing about.

So, despite now being a village of 3 people, we still did most of the caring for the child between the two of us.  Believe me, the struggle is real.  The stress is real!  When you're at work, your mind is preoccupied thinking how your little one is doing.  When you get home, you have to express milk, let the baby latch on, do the laundry, sterilize bottles, shower the baby, and do chores and feed yourself.

But now, as I look back at the last seven years, I feel blessed to have done it without our extended families for the most part.  This made our family closer to each other. 

This made days off cherished moments together.  This made us excited to come home at the end of the day just to be together as a family.  This made every time together a happy one.This made us look forward to spending time with each other after a long day.

Our work schedules also do not follow the normal 9-5 routine, so every time we have a semblance of a normal work schedule, we savor each moment.  And because it is just the four of us for the better part of the year ( our families do visit from time to time), this experience has really made our family grow emotionally.

Everything is done as a unit of four.  Our world revolves around each other.  We only had to adjust to each other's quirks, no one else's.  We also always still find new things to do together as a family.

What used to be a struggle, is actually now a blessing.  And I am thankful for that. We also became stronger people because of this experience, and I wouldn't trade it for anything!

My breastfeeding journey

After 6 years and 11 months, my breastfeeding journey has come to an end.  

I started breastfeeding immediately after I delivered baby J back in October 2012.  I breastfed her even when I was pregnant with baby A.  Baby J only stopped breastfeeding when I was nearing my third trimester of pregnancy.

Now, baby A has finally stopped breastfeeding, after 37 months.  For the last three nights, baby A has not asked to latch on.  My breastfeeding journey has finally ended. 

 Before baby A turned 3 years old, I was already telling her that we will stop our breastfeeding journey after her third birthday. She would always say yes. But when her birthday came, and she still asked to latch on, I knew I had to continue. After all, people always said it is best when kids self-wean. So, every night for the month after her third birthday, she would still latch on.  But surprisingly, the night she turned 3 years and one month, she just slept without asking to latch on. It has been that way ever since.

So, how do I feel? I feel both sad and relieved at the same time. I feel relieved because my body is my own again. I can finally sleep continuously at night without having to raise my shirt for my baby to latch on. But, I also feel sad. I feel sad because we won’t be sharing that bonding experience anymore, an experience that only the two of us share every night. I feel sad because I have to tell myself that I no longer have a baby. She is now my little girl. 

It has been a wonderful journey for me. I feel lucky that I was able to breastfeed my girls for so long. I feel lucky that I never had any milk supply  issues.  But most of all, I feel lucky that this experience has created a very close bond between me and my girls. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world!

Raising two kids

Raising babies is not "one size fits all".  Every baby will have his or her own quirks as well as his or her own personality.  It is a new learning experience for us parents every time.

People always assume that baby number one will always be luckier because they get all the attention, all the new things, and they get the most love.  This may not necessarily be the case.  Do not forget, with the firstborn, you are inexperienced parents.  All the inadvertent mistakes and accidents happen with the eldest, but not with the succeeding children.  Take myself for example, when I was a baby, I was accidentally dropped by my parents because both thought the other was already holding me.  But, no issues there, I am still a happy, healthy adult.

Now that I have two babies of my own, parenting has become infinitely harder, dealing with double tantrums and meltdowns as well as double demands.  But there is also something fascinating about having two kids.

From the time baby A was born, the hubby and myself always made conscious effort to give her as much attention and exposure as baby J got when she was a baby.  We also made sure she did not get purely hand-me-downs from baby J.

But, something I noticed with baby A is, she learned faster and reached milestones even earlier than baby J.  I attribute this to the fact that she looks up to her sister and tries to mimic everything baby J does.  Because of this, she walked and ran earlier, even potty trained earlier.  She even acts like she's the older sister sometimes.

Two toddlers running around the house is more challenging, but it is also double the fun.  It particularly melts my heart when I see them so happy to be with each other, to share the world with each other.  Baby J has also matured with the arrival of Baby A.  She takes time to teach the little one - how to say a word properly, help the little one with opening her food, feeding her. 

So, if you are still asking yourself if you want only one child or have more, just go for it.  There will always be more work, more expense, more riot.  But, there will also be more fun, more happiness and more love.  Just enjoy the ride!

Don't stop learning

When we started our family, I decided to leave the hospital for a less time-consuming job because I did not want my children growing up without me by their side, but on call in the hospital.  It was a very tough decision for me because I was doing well in the hospital and I enjoyed what I was doing.  But, for the sake of our kids, one of us had to sacrifice our career to give the children the attention and time they needed.  Being the mother, naturally, it made more sense for me to do it.

I do miss my profession, but I never had regrets about my decision.  Leaving the hospital does not mean I stopped learning.  I even started learning new things.  I did not want to stagnate. I wanted to remain sharp.  So, I made sure to attend courses every year. 

After my husband finished his further studies, I decided to take up a Master degree course. We discussed it and weighed the odds.  I was pregnant with baby A during that time.  Since my course was self-funded,  we decided to start it sooner rather than later.  At least when baby A starts pre-school, I would be finished with my three-year course.  

I applied and got into a distinguished university in the UK.  I started my course when baby A was a month old and baby J was turning 3 years old.  The journey has not been easy for me.  There were many times I chastised and asked myself why I even considered doing it. Besides maintaining a full-time job which involved travelling across the region, I was also a hands-on mom, and an entrepreneur.  I barely had time to read through my lessons, much less submit all the papers that were due, and attend the lectures happening in the wee hours of the morning.  There were times I really wanted to quit. There were also many times I was arguing with my husband already because of too many things on my plate.  The children do not understand deadlines and failing marks.  All they understood was, when Mommy is home, they had to get 100% attention.  I tried to give them that.  I also made sure I passed all my courses, and gave my best at work.  Which left me with five hours of sleep a night, or less.

But, we made it!  I am due to submit the final paper of my second year of studies tomorrow. The next year will be devoted to my dissertation.  My learning journey is not finished.  But, I feel good about myself.  I have done something for myself without sacrificing my kids.

Now, off to my next lesson... drums!