The Advantages of being Number Two

People always think that being the second child is not a good thing because they always get the "second child syndrome".  

True, it is infinitely harder taking care of two small kids, both with their varying level of needs.  Maybe, that is why the second child always get "less attention", unlike the first born, who got your undivided attention.  But being second has its advantages too!  

So, what did I notice about baby A compared to baby J?  Baby A matured faster than baby J, possibly because she is trying to catch up with the milestones of her older sister.  She learned to dress up by herself earlier, she was toilet-trained earlier, and she ate by herself earlier.  She is also very independent.  Sometimes, she would even act as if she is the older sibling instead of being the baby in the family.

Now that my kids are older, I am very thankful that my younger one does not resent the fact that she gets hand-me-downs from her older sister.  She is, instead, actually very excited to finally be able to wear her sister's clothes!  

But what truly melts my heart with the two of them is the bond they have created.  They may fight like cats and dogs from time to time, but when it matters most, they are each other's best friend.  I hope they don't change when they get older.

Big school

My eldest just started school this week. Being the mother that I am, I was of course, very apprehensive about her first day of school.  After all, she was starting school mid-semester. All her classmates started first grade in August of the previous year, so they were all older than her and they have been together for some time.

Before she started school, the school gave her an assessment exam to see if she was fit to join the first graders mid- semester or join the kindergarten 2 class.  They were very pleased that she could read very well already and did well in Math so they said she was fit to join the first graders.

On her first day, she took the school bus to school. We went separately and just waited for the arrival of the school bus in school. Despite this being her first time to take the school bus, she was in high spirits when we met her at the bus bay. She never seemed anxious when we brought her to class. She actually looked completely fine in her new surroundings.

At the end of the first day, her teacher sent me an email telling me that my daughter had a fantastic first day at school. She was already participating in class and she even did well
in swimming class (yes, first graders have swimming classes already)!  I was so happy with what I have read. But of course, I had to ask my daughter how she felt.  When  I asked my daughter how school was after her first day, she told me that school was fun.  I breathed a sigh of relief.

At the end of each day, I always ask my kids how school was for that day, what they learned, what they did.

On the third night of school, when I asked my daughter how school was, she gave me the same answer, :"It was fun!".  But tonight, her story was not finished.  She told me one of her female classmates told her:" You're not the smartest student." This short sentence alarmed me!  She has only been in the new school for 3 days, and already she gets this comment from her classmate.  Despite my unhappiness (to put it mildly) about what I heard, I decided to probe her, while trying to keep my calm.  I did not want her to see that the words spoken were not exactly very nice and that I am not happy about it.  So, I just asked her what she said in response to that.  She told me that she told her classmate that she practices the lessons at home every night. I decided to leave it at that.

The following day,  after school, I decided to subtly probe her again regarding her classmate, if anything else was said, if she wanted to give me more details as to the events surrounding the situation.  This time, what she told me actually surprised me. My daughter just told me:" It's okay now, Mommy."  To which I asked, "What do you mean, it's okay now?" And then she elaborated.  Apparently, the day after the incident, my sweet little girl decided to tell the teacher about what happened. The teacher then decided to call the student right away and probed her as to why said those things to my daughter.  The teacher then asked her to apologize to my daughter.  Before my daughter accepted the apology, she told the girl not to do it again.  I told my daughter I was so proud of her, of how she handled the situation. My daughter then continued her story, saying:"Because I can read very well." Apparently, the words may have been spoken because my daughter could read very well.

But, after she told me about what she did, I wasn't sad anymore.  I became happy and proud of this little girl.  Despite appearing unaffected by words said to her, she decided to handle the situation by herself.  In this instance, I never even thought to tell her to talk to her teacher about it.

In the past, I always told her not to pick a fight with her classmates.  I always told her, if something happens, if someone is being mean to her or someone hurt her, she should just go to the teacher directly.  And that's what she did.  She was able to handle herself and the situation very well! This made me so proud of her.

Now that I think about the situation that happened, it made me realize that what happened to my daughter was already a form of bullying.  Her classmate was trying to hurt her self-confidence.  But what shocked me about it was, even in grade one it can happen.  I hope parents can teach their kids to be better human beings. No one should be superior. No one should be inferior.  Everyone has their own talents and everyone will learn at their own pace.

But most of all, we should always teach our kids to be confident of themselves and their abilities, and to always remember that they are loved no matter what.

The start of school

The start of the year has been a very exciting time for us, the small one is starting pre-school and the big one is going to big school already.

For the last month, I have been priming my little one about pre-school.  I was apprehensive that she might cry on the first few days of school.  I would ask her almost everyday if she was excited to start school, and her answer would be the same:"Yes!"

On her first day of school, she seemed excited to be carrying her new school bag as we left the house.  The whole family brought her to school.  Once there, she immersed herself in class right away!  No tears.  And that has continued.  She has finished her second week of school already with no tears.  She seems to have adjusted to school very well.  At the end of each day, when I ask her how school was, she would tell me that it was fun! 

I partly attribute this to the fact that the little one has been going to her sister's school to pick her up and to watch her shows.  She also saw that her sister goes to school, so she knows that this is the next step for her too.

With my little one, I have been seeing the advantages of not being the firstborn child.  Because she idolizes her big sister, she wants to do everything her big sister does.  It has been very easy for us because of this.  She was fully toilet-trained (no diapers even at night) before she turned two.  She eats by herself. She prepares her own food and drink.  Sometimes, she even pretends to be the mommy and helps button her big sister's clothes on.

Now, the next step for her is her first ever school performance for Chinese New Year. I am already prepping her for her for this.  How do I prepare her, you may ask?  I just tell her everyday that I am very excited to see her perform on stage for the Chinese New Year celebration.  I then ask her if she wants to sing and dance on stage.  I told her I would be sitting on the front row to watch her and take a video of her performance.  She would then smile and tell me she will performing on stage. I am confident that she will do well in her first ever school performance. Excited to see the little one on stage!

Why travelling is good for your family

Our family travels.  A lot.  We have travelled more when the kids were born compared to when it was just the two of us.

True, travelling with little kids is not exactly a walk in the park.  But, every time we travel, the whole 24 hours of each day is spent with each other.  We do not have to go to work, our daughter does not have to go to school.  Our time is focused on each other, sharing experiences, finding joy in the littlest of things.

Travelling is our way of bonding with each other.  Travelling helps us create more memories with our kids.  Travelling exposes them to different cultures, different food, different races and nationalities.  It also teaches them flexibilty.  They can adjust to any situation without difficulty.

Because our kids have been travelling since they were young, they have never had crying moments on the plane. In fact, they enjoy travelling.  They enjoy the time we spend together. They enjoy looking at pictures of our trips, especially pictures of when they were younger.  They like the idea that they were there with us on all those trips. Sure, they may not remember everything they experienced on those trips, but when they see themselves in those pictures, they also smile and feel good.  They know that they were part of the experience.

But for me, the best part of travelling is seeing the excitement on your kids' faces when they see new things, experience new places, try new food.  Travelling is an experience and learning not only for the kids, but for the parents as well.

So, travel with your kids.  It will never be a waste.  Look past the packing and unpacking, but on the time spent together. You will not regret it.

A blessing or a struggle?

Today, as we celebrate our seventh wedding anniversary, I come to the realization that we have come a long way.

We started our married life overseas, away from family and friends.  It was okay at first, when it was just the two of us.  But, once the kids came, I used to always think that I was at a disadvantage compared to the locals because we did not have our families to help us.  It was made especially hard because we didn't know how we would balance work and taking care of our tiny humans.  

I used to envy my friends because they can leave their little ones with their parents and just pick them up after work, while I did not have that option.  It takes a village to raise a child.  But my village consisted of two people, myself and the hubby.  Sure, we had a helper in the house.  But, it is hard to leave your little one with a stranger you know nothing about.

So, despite now being a village of 3 people, we still did most of the caring for the child between the two of us.  Believe me, the struggle is real.  The stress is real!  When you're at work, your mind is preoccupied thinking how your little one is doing.  When you get home, you have to express milk, let the baby latch on, do the laundry, sterilize bottles, shower the baby, and do chores and feed yourself.

But now, as I look back at the last seven years, I feel blessed to have done it without our extended families for the most part.  This made our family closer to each other. 

This made days off cherished moments together.  This made us excited to come home at the end of the day just to be together as a family.  This made every time together a happy one.This made us look forward to spending time with each other after a long day.

Our work schedules also do not follow the normal 9-5 routine, so every time we have a semblance of a normal work schedule, we savor each moment.  And because it is just the four of us for the better part of the year ( our families do visit from time to time), this experience has really made our family grow emotionally.

Everything is done as a unit of four.  Our world revolves around each other.  We only had to adjust to each other's quirks, no one else's.  We also always still find new things to do together as a family.

What used to be a struggle, is actually now a blessing.  And I am thankful for that. We also became stronger people because of this experience, and I wouldn't trade it for anything!

My breastfeeding journey

After 6 years and 11 months, my breastfeeding journey has come to an end.  

I started breastfeeding immediately after I delivered baby J back in October 2012.  I breastfed her even when I was pregnant with baby A.  Baby J only stopped breastfeeding when I was nearing my third trimester of pregnancy.

Now, baby A has finally stopped breastfeeding, after 37 months.  For the last three nights, baby A has not asked to latch on.  My breastfeeding journey has finally ended. 

 Before baby A turned 3 years old, I was already telling her that we will stop our breastfeeding journey after her third birthday. She would always say yes. But when her birthday came, and she still asked to latch on, I knew I had to continue. After all, people always said it is best when kids self-wean. So, every night for the month after her third birthday, she would still latch on.  But surprisingly, the night she turned 3 years and one month, she just slept without asking to latch on. It has been that way ever since.

So, how do I feel? I feel both sad and relieved at the same time. I feel relieved because my body is my own again. I can finally sleep continuously at night without having to raise my shirt for my baby to latch on. But, I also feel sad. I feel sad because we won’t be sharing that bonding experience anymore, an experience that only the two of us share every night. I feel sad because I have to tell myself that I no longer have a baby. She is now my little girl. 

It has been a wonderful journey for me. I feel lucky that I was able to breastfeed my girls for so long. I feel lucky that I never had any milk supply  issues.  But most of all, I feel lucky that this experience has created a very close bond between me and my girls. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world!

Raising two kids

Raising babies is not "one size fits all".  Every baby will have his or her own quirks as well as his or her own personality.  It is a new learning experience for us parents every time.

People always assume that baby number one will always be luckier because they get all the attention, all the new things, and they get the most love.  This may not necessarily be the case.  Do not forget, with the firstborn, you are inexperienced parents.  All the inadvertent mistakes and accidents happen with the eldest, but not with the succeeding children.  Take myself for example, when I was a baby, I was accidentally dropped by my parents because both thought the other was already holding me.  But, no issues there, I am still a happy, healthy adult.

Now that I have two babies of my own, parenting has become infinitely harder, dealing with double tantrums and meltdowns as well as double demands.  But there is also something fascinating about having two kids.

From the time baby A was born, the hubby and myself always made conscious effort to give her as much attention and exposure as baby J got when she was a baby.  We also made sure she did not get purely hand-me-downs from baby J.

But, something I noticed with baby A is, she learned faster and reached milestones even earlier than baby J.  I attribute this to the fact that she looks up to her sister and tries to mimic everything baby J does.  Because of this, she walked and ran earlier, even potty trained earlier.  She even acts like she's the older sister sometimes.

Two toddlers running around the house is more challenging, but it is also double the fun.  It particularly melts my heart when I see them so happy to be with each other, to share the world with each other.  Baby J has also matured with the arrival of Baby A.  She takes time to teach the little one - how to say a word properly, help the little one with opening her food, feeding her. 

So, if you are still asking yourself if you want only one child or have more, just go for it.  There will always be more work, more expense, more riot.  But, there will also be more fun, more happiness and more love.  Just enjoy the ride!

Don't stop learning

When we started our family, I decided to leave the hospital for a less time-consuming job because I did not want my children growing up without me by their side, but on call in the hospital.  It was a very tough decision for me because I was doing well in the hospital and I enjoyed what I was doing.  But, for the sake of our kids, one of us had to sacrifice our career to give the children the attention and time they needed.  Being the mother, naturally, it made more sense for me to do it.

I do miss my profession, but I never had regrets about my decision.  Leaving the hospital does not mean I stopped learning.  I even started learning new things.  I did not want to stagnate. I wanted to remain sharp.  So, I made sure to attend courses every year. 

After my husband finished his further studies, I decided to take up a Master degree course. We discussed it and weighed the odds.  I was pregnant with baby A during that time.  Since my course was self-funded,  we decided to start it sooner rather than later.  At least when baby A starts pre-school, I would be finished with my three-year course.  

I applied and got into a distinguished university in the UK.  I started my course when baby A was a month old and baby J was turning 3 years old.  The journey has not been easy for me.  There were many times I chastised and asked myself why I even considered doing it. Besides maintaining a full-time job which involved travelling across the region, I was also a hands-on mom, and an entrepreneur.  I barely had time to read through my lessons, much less submit all the papers that were due, and attend the lectures happening in the wee hours of the morning.  There were times I really wanted to quit. There were also many times I was arguing with my husband already because of too many things on my plate.  The children do not understand deadlines and failing marks.  All they understood was, when Mommy is home, they had to get 100% attention.  I tried to give them that.  I also made sure I passed all my courses, and gave my best at work.  Which left me with five hours of sleep a night, or less.

But, we made it!  I am due to submit the final paper of my second year of studies tomorrow. The next year will be devoted to my dissertation.  My learning journey is not finished.  But, I feel good about myself.  I have done something for myself without sacrificing my kids.

Now, off to my next lesson... drums!

Motherhood

Motherhood is long, tough journey that is not for the faint of heart. Motherhood means sacrificing yourself for your little one. Motherhood means hanging up your two-piece swimsuit for something that will cover up as much of your stretch marks and cellulites as possible. Motherhood is not getting a full night's sleep because your kids are sick. Motherhood is waking up early to prepare your kids for school no matter how late you went to bed. Motherhood is giving up your most favorite food because your kids want to eat it too. Yes, motherhood is not for everyone.  

But, for those of us who forged bravely into motherhood, it also means sloppy kisses at all hours of the day, endless hugs into the night, and unconditional love from those tiny humans.

Last night, while preparing my eldest for bed, I was telling her that when she grows older, she will not want to go out with mommy anymore, that she would prefer to go out with her friends.  She suddenly hugs me tightly and tells me: " Never! I will always want to go out with you! Forever!"  I know she feels this way because she is still so young, but to hear those words from my little girl absolutely melted my heart.

I don't think any parent will tell you that parenting is a breeze.  But, we do it anyway. Because the rewards far outweighs all the hardship.  Children make us feel alive and they fill our hearts with so much love and joy.  I think children prolong our lives just by being around us.  They make us appreciate the little things - the simple joys of spending time together, of sharing an ice cream bar, of taking a stroll in the park.

Yes, I am a very tired mother.  But, I am also very happy. My heart is full.

Travelling breastfeeding mom

I am a travelling Mom. I am a breastfeeding Mom.  When you put both together, it can be a difficult situation.


I travel for work. A lot.  And when I do travel, it is with the whole family.  But, when I need to travel for an overnight trip only, I do not bring the kids along anymore.  On such a trip, the most important accessory I need to bring is my breast pump.


When baby J was almost 2 years old, I had to go on an overnight trip.  I forgot to bring my breast pump, so initially I thought I could last overnight without it, given that my milk supply was significantly less than when she was a newborn.  But I was wrong.  My breasts became so engorged I had to go to the nearest shopping center to get one before I screamed in pain!  I learned from that trip. After that incident, my breast pump is the first thing I pack.


In my earlier days as a breastfeeding, travelling Mom, I would just bring along my manual breast pump to express milk and throw it away.  I did this because most hotel rooms do not have a freezer compartment in their small refrigerators.  I was not comfortable travelling for hours on end with unfrozen breast milk hence the decision to just throw it away instead of risking giving spoiled milk to my baby.  But, eventually, I decided to prepare for it.


So, what do I do when I need to travel?


1. Bring all my ice packs.
2. Bring enough breastfeeding bags.
3. Bring an insulated bag.


When I get to the check-in counter at the airport, I check with the crew whether I can bring the ice pack on my carry-on luggage or not.  I do not want to risk my ice pack being confiscated.


Once I get to the hotel, I leave my ice packs in their freezer straight away to give it as much time to freeze for my trip back home.  Every time I express milk, I make sure I keep it in an insulated bag with label before I give it to the staff for freezing.  I also always remind them that it is breast milk to ensure that they take very good care of it.


Once in awhile, I get lucky and I get to stay in a hotel with a freezer in the room (such as today). This is automatic plus points for me!

Even if the freezer is small, I am happy that I get to keep the milk in my own ref and not in a public refrigerator where I do not even have direct access.


When I am travelling, I make sure that every milk bag contains only 100ml or less.  Even if generally, airport staff are more accommodating with breast milk, I do not want to risk it being confiscated. 


Lastly, I always get the milk from the freezer only when I am about to leave.  I then make sure that I surround all the milk bags with ice pack.  The ultimate goal is to arrive home with milk that is still frozen.


It may seem like a great inconvenience when travelling.  But, seeing the number of expressed milk bags you bring home is totally worth it!

How to raise a non-picky eater

The thing that surprises anyone who has met baby J, is the fact that her appetite is a bottomless pit.  The next thing that surprises people, is the fact that she eats anything we adults eat. When a friend saw how baby J ate, she asked me how we did it?  So, how did we manage to raise a toddler who loves green, leafy vegetables, fruits, milk, and meat?


When I look back to the time that we introduced food to her, the hubby and I decided not to give her the commercially available infant food preparations since these would have more sugar or salt to make the food appetizing for the baby.  I would like to give credit to my husband for blending all of baby J's food.  We started feeding baby J by introducing blended squash to her since we felt this has more taste and texture to make her first food experience a positive one.  We then proceeded to introduce other fruits and vegetables, all prepared with no sugar added and with very minimal salt, if at all. After awhile, we started mixing different food and gave her combination meals.  All of this was mixed with breast milk.


Other things we did that possibly contributed to her gusto for food:
1. Juice was not introduced until she was two years old.
2. No candies and chocolate.  We only eased up on this when she was a little over two.  Even then, she would only be allowed a limited amount.
3. No chips.  Even until now that she is three and a half years old, we do not allow her to eat chips.  The only chips she is allowed to eat are the fruit chips that do not have added sugar.
4.  Control the sugar intake.  Since baby J started drinking cow's milk, we only gave her the unflavored full cream milk.  I only allowed her to try the flavored milk when she turned two and half.
5.  We involve her in the food preparation.  She joins us when we buy food from the wet market, to the time of preparation and cooking the food.
6.  We encourage her appreciation for food.  Whenever she makes any food request, we try to accommodate it whenever possible.  Since she mostly asks for fruits and vegetables, then we happily give in to her requests.  She loves broccoli and watermelon, among other things.
7. No carbonated drinks allowed. Until now, baby J has never been allowed to drink carbonated drinks.
8. Ice cream is a treat, on special occasions.  When she does eat ice cream, she would normally eat yoghurt ice cream.  She does eat the "normal" ice cream too, but not too often.


Now, we are repeating what we did to baby A. So far, she is happy with her fruit and vegetable meals.  Again, all food are prepared at home, with no sugar and salt added.  We are hoping that we will be raising another child who appreciates food.

More on cloth diapering

I wrote an article on cloth diapering in January 2014. Check out the link to the original article here:

http://pedramusings.blogspot.sg/2014/01/cloth-diapering-anyone.html

Aside from the care of your cloth diaper, there will come a time when you will have to "strip" the cloth diapers.  How will you know when it's time to strip your cloth diapers already? 

1. After six months of continued use.
2. When the smell does not go away even if you wash and re-wash it.
3. When the absorbency of the cloth diaper is affected already (e.g. when "leaks" start occurring, often!).

When any of these are present in your cloth diaper, then it is time to strip the cloth diaper.  I was advised by a friend to use RLR laundry treatment (pic 1).  It was very hard to purchase this laundry treatment though, as I had to source it from the U.S.  But it was quite effective.

Pic 1. RLR Laundry Treatment

 Three years and two kids later, the cloth diapers are still doing its job very well!

Having kids later in life

In today's society, many women do not marry until they are well into their 30s and 40s. Oftentimes, they also start having kids around this age.  True, that there are so many disadvantages we can think of , marrying and having kids at this age, but for the women who choose to do this, there are also advantages.

I am one of these women.  When I was younger, I would always think about waiting at least a year after marriage before I wanted to have kids.  I wanted to spend time with my husband first, just the two of us before the chaos and joy of having kids.  But, because I married late in life, I did not have the luxury of waiting anymore.

When I got married, I was lucky to have gotten pregnant just one month after the wedding. Despite the fact that men and women are less fertile as they age, I was lucky to have been blessed with a baby pretty fast. However, as much as I was ecstatic to be having a baby, I was also constantly afraid that my baby might not be as healthy, given that I am not as young as other moms-to-be.  I could not relax until I got the result of my nuchal rigidity scan to say that my baby was okay. I was also very conscious of what I ate throughout the pregnancy, because i wanted to make my baby as healthy as possible despite my age.

Sometimes, when I think about how old the hubby and I will be when our eldest goes to college, I would tease him that we would look like grandparents attending our daughter's graduation, instead of being the parents.  We are not very old, mind you.  But, when I look at my high school classmates who had kids earlier, it sometimes makes me think also, if it was the right decision to start a family late.

But, as I look back at myself and my family, I do not regret my decision.  True, there will always be disadvantages, but I will choose to look at the advantages instead. 

1. You are more financially stable.

The husband and I decided to invest in real estate while we were just preparing for our marriage.  So, every month, most of our money would go to the installment of the property we acquired.  We still had the luxury of paying for it because our eldest had not started school yet.  Expenses for our daughter was not so high yet because she was breastfed, she used cloth diapers, and I was home schooling her.

Now that she has started school, the property we purchased has already been turned over to us, and we are about to rent it out to help supplement our daughter's expenses.

2. You have a more stable career.  

Having married late, I have already finished my residency training as well as sub-specialty training in anesthesiology before I started my family. So,  I had the luxury of being able to spend more time with my children. For people in the corporate world, they may have the option of having a more flexible work schedule because they have been with the company for some time and may even be holding a top management position already.

3. You are more mature.

Being a parent takes a lot of responsibility and maturity.  You need to deal with the children as well as your spouse.  If you are not mature enough to handle either of the two, then your relationship may crumble.

4. You are raising intelligent kids.
Various studies have shown that when you have kids later in life, chances are the kids tend to be smarter.  They attribute this to higher educational attainment of the parents, more stable career, and higher maturity level.

Please click on the link below to read more about it.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2147848/Children-mothers-40-healthier-intelligent.html

The husband and I have a very chaotic work schedule.  But, because of our mutual commitment to be hands-on parents to our kids, we sacrifice a lot of things to make it work, without fighting over the little things.  We sacrifice sleep to bring our daughter to gymnastics on Saturday mornings, even if the urge to sleep in is so great.  We sacrifice sleep even if we are post-call to be there to attend to our children's needs.  Because we are mature enough for all these, believe me, we have made it work for the last five years; two kids later in the most expensive city in the world.  And we are still smiling.

Don't fret about the disadvantages of having kids later in life.  There will always be advantages and disadvantages whether you have kids early or later in life.  Choose the positive.  Stand by your decision and be happy.  

5 Most Memorable Breastfeeding Moments

Breastfeeding is a fun yet challenging journey, one that you will miss once the journey comes to an end.  I am sure, everyone who has breastfed/ is breastfeeding their child will have many stories to tell.  Here are some of mine: 

1. After giving birth to my eldest, I did not use a nursing cover for fear that baby J might get smothered by the cover.  So every time she would latch on, my mom had to hold my shawl around us to give us privacy. It was tiring having to hold the cover for 15-20 minutes.  We continued doing it until I found a nursing cover that I felt was safe for my baby, a nursing cover that would allow me to keep a close watch on her while she fed.

2. Because most malls did not have a dedicated breastfeeding room, my only option if I wanted privacy, was to run to the nearest toilet. I would normally close the toilet seat and sit there while my baby latches on.  However, there were some toilets without a seat cover! So, in those moments, I had to let my baby feed while I was standing.  It was very tiring, but mothers will do anything for their children.

3.  During our trip to the Vatican Museum, because the tour took most of the afternoon, our baby naturally became hungry.  By the time we were in the bottleneck leading up to the Sistine Chapel, she was already inconsolable. I had no choice but to let her nurse while stuck amidst all the displayed tapestry around us, inside the infant carrier, while continuing to walk. That was the first time I did that!

4. Due to the terrible Manila traffic, I always brought a manual breast pump with me so I can express milk before I start driving home, so when baby A becomes hungry on the road home, she can be fed from the bottle while I continue the drive home. One day, while expressing milk before the drive home, I was so surprised that I could only produce 1 oz of milk despite all my efforts.  I thought something was happening that's why I suddenly could not produce milk.  But lo and behold, as I was washing the breast pump, I noticed that the valve was torn.  No wonder I could not seem to produce more than 1oz of milk.

5. At baby A's baptism, I wore a dress for the ceremony and reception, thinking I would just express milk and let the baby drink from the bottle.  But, our baby decided that she did not want to drink milk from the bottle that day!  I tried to nurse her in the toilet, but because it was occupied, and she was crying non-stop, the waiters of the restaurant decided to use a table cloth to prepare a makeshift breastfeeding room for me. As for me, I had to remove my dress while feeding baby A, in my makeshift room.  

Pretty fun breastfeeding moments, don't you think so?  Please share with us your memorable experiences as well!

8 Things nobody tells you about Breastfeding

I am an advocate of breastfeeding, having breastfed my eldest for almost 28 months and now, breastfeeding my second. 

Breastfeeding is not all a bed of roses. We always read about the benefits of breastfeeding, but nobody tells us what it truly entails.  So, let me share with you my experiences on breastfeeding.

1. Breastfeeding is painful.  At least during the first month and in the first few minutes of each feeding.  When I gave birth to my eldest, I, of course, wanted to breastfeed her because of all the benefits it can offer.  However, nobody told me that I would be in excruciating pain when she latched on.  So, for every feeding, I had to squeeze the hubby's hands tight just to get through the first few minutes of latching.  I was sure it was not a poor latch on my baby's part since she was always satisfied after, and she had very good weight gain.  But, things got better after the first month.  There was no more pain.

2. Breastfeeding can be messy.  Once your milk production is up, your production will be more than what your baby requires, especially in the first few months.  Always make sure you have breast pads.  If you don't, all your clothes and underwear will be soaked with milk and turn hard and yellowish.

3. Breast milk is a magnet for ants.  Make sure you clean every drop, whether you are nursing, expressing milk, or just preparing to feed through the bottle.

4. Breastfeeding can cause milk blister.  If you do not express milk frequently, you are at risk for developing milk blisters.  So, how do you know if you have it?  You may notice a white "blob" under the skin of the nipple which then causes clogging of the ducts under this, leading to hardening of the breast.  I had this with my eldest.  But to prevent it from getting worse, I had to poke the milk blister with a sterile needle to release it and prevent any further clogging.  This did relieve me of the pain of unexpressed milk.

5. Breastfeeding may cause sore nipples.  My babies think of me as their personal "pacifier". Naturally, they latch on for prolonged periods, which eventually leads to sore nipples. So,how do I alleviate sore nipples?  Try expressing a few drops of milk and applying it to the affected nipple.  You can also apply lanolin to the affected nipple.

6. Wear a nursing bra.  Nursing bras are there for a reason.  It makes nursing infinitely easier.

7. Buy a nursing cover.  Babies will nurse anytime, anywhere. It is best to bring along a nursing cover to maintain your modesty so babies can feed uninterrupted.  Make sure to choose a nursing cover that will not suffocate your baby though.

8. Nursing blouse/dress does help a lot in helping to protect your modesty. They are a bit pricey though.

But, despite all these minor inconveniences and discomfort, I still chose to breastfeed my baby because the benefits it offers far outweigh the inconvenience .  And once you get used to it, you will miss having your baby latch on when they finally stop breastfeeding.

Please check my other blog post on the benefits of breastfeeding below:
http://pedramusings.blogspot.sg/2014/02/breastfeeding-benefits-my-personal.html

Starting school and growing up

Baby J will be starting school tomorrow.  The first time she will be away from us for one whole day.  As I am preparing her things for school, I can't help but feel sad that my daughter is growing up so fast.  I know I need to let her go at some point, but I cannot help but worry too for her.  

I know I may be underestimating my daughter's ability to care for herself.  But I now understand what other mothers are going through when they need to send their kids to school for the first time.  You worry that they will not eat on their own, that they will lose weight because of this.  You worry that there may be mosquitoes in school.  You worry that they will be lonely on their first day.  You worry that they may not make friends easily.  You worry that they will not listen to their teacher.  All these anxious thoughts are going through your mind, while for your little one, tomorow is just another normal day.

As I type this, I have both kids beside me, baby A on my lap, and baby J beside me coloring her numbers book.  I am worried of sending them out into the world, but at the same time, I want to prepare them for the world, make sure they will be fine on their own when they grow up.

Such is the dilemma of every parent, I'm sure.  When do we hold on and when do we let them go?  I may sound so dramatic, since my little girl is only going to pre-school.  But now, I understand the emotions of all moms who had to go through this stage.  I salute each and every one of you for finding the strength to share them with the world!

Caring for two

The last few months have been a whirlwind for the family, as we welcomed baby A into the family.  We are now a family of four, travelling with a baby and a toddler in tow.

I would be lying if I told you the last 5 months have been easy for me.  It was not.  During the first two months after I delivered, I seriously thought I might be having post-partum blues.  Even the husband became worried, with him working overseas most of the time, and me, left to care for both kids.  The stress of having to care for a tiny newborn, coupled with the jealousy of a toddler, the pain of a C-section, and the beginning of my Masters studies has really put me in a huge rollercoaster ride.

But I still count myself lucky because I have parents who are helping me care for the kids. Were it not for them, I don't think I can care for 2 kids on my own, especially during the first two months when baby J's jealousy was at its peak, and where baby A was at her most vulnerable.  My husband is also very hands-on, making it easier for me as well.  Even without a nanny to help us, we were still able to go about our daily chores, bring baby J for her gymnastics class, go shopping, and even go overseas! 

There are however, infinitely more challenges when you are caring for 2 kids because both need attention, but they have varying levels of need.  My toddler has been practicing her stair-climbing and jumping ability, so every chance she gets, she tries to go up and down the stairs (without adult supervision), which scares the entire household!  At the same time she's doing this, the littlest one is crying for her milk, vomiting when she has too much to drink. 

With the hubby around, normally, we each care for one child, with myself normally looking after baby J since she asks for me more, while the hubby cares for baby A.  But when baby A is hungry, we then switch kids because baby A needs to latch on to me.  It is not so bad also when it is just me and the two kids because generally, baby J understands what I tell her already while baby A on the other hand, now has better neck control as well, so we go out with baby J holding my hand and baby A on a baby carrier.

At night, once the kids are in bed, I then start catching up on my studies and work.  The husband and I are naturally very tired, but it is still a joy caring for the little ones, and we wouldn't swap the experience for the world!

Diminishing breast milk supply

I delivered Baby A last July 30 via Caesarian section.  Because I had no problem with breast milk supply during my last pregnancy (even being able to nurse my eldest for more than 27 months), I was not in the least bit worried about producing milk a second time around.  What I did not anticipate was the pain I felt when baby A latched on.  I thought, because this was the second time around, I would be okay.  But, nature proved me wrong!  I had forgotten how painful it was for me during the first month when my eldest latched on. Baby A reminded me of the pain.


The pain, however intense it felt, was bearable if it meant being able to offer breast milk to my baby.   I was worried about not being able to bottle feed expressed breast milk though.  So, to make sure I won't encounter this again, I made sure to alternate between allowing baby A to latch on and giving her expressed breast milk.  I was very happy that baby A did not seem to have nipple confusion issues.  What I did not anticipate however, was that my milk supply may be affected by what I was doing.


Exactly 20 days after giving birth, I suddenly could not produce the normal amount of milk I was used to expressing.  From being able to express and store 4 ounces of breast milk easily, I suddenly could not produce even 2 ounces of milk!  It was very depressing for me.  How can I suddenly have diminishing milk supply when just a few hours before I was producing a lot?  I started reading up on it and found out the following:


1.  If you are supplementing with bottle feeding of expressed milk, your milk supply will drop.  Your body adjusts its milk production to the baby's demands.
2.  Breast pumps are not adequate substitutes to direct latch on. Direct latch on stimulates the body to produce more milk.
I have seen this for  myself,  when after expressing milk until I emptied my ducts, baby A latched on, and suddenly, there was milk again!
3.  Always empty your ducts when you express milk.  This will stimulate your body to produce more.
4.  Express milk in between feedings to increase your milk supply.
5.  Drink lots of fluids


After doing all of the above, I noticed my milk supply increase again.  It was quite a scare, but it made me realize that milk supply can be fleeting. There is no room to be lazy if we want to keep breastfeeding.


Breastfeeding is a choice and it takes a lot of commitment.  But, if you really want to breastfeed your baby, you will do what it  takes. So, good luck  to all breastfeeding moms! Give yourself a  pat on the back for your efforts.

Increasing your milk supply

I delivered baby J via Caesarian section 31 months ago.  I remember starting my breastfeeding journey in the recovery room of the hospital, with my journey lasting for all of 27 months.


I never once had a problem with low milk supply during my breastfeeding journey.  In fact, my problem was the other way around.  I had too much milk that baby J vomited on a daily basis due to overfeeding.  Her satiety center was still immature so she didn't know when to stop feeding.


I never thought myself lucky that I had adequate milk supply.  I thought this was the normal course for every post-partum woman.  Until, I met many women whose problem was milk supply.  When people find out that I nursed baby J for a full 27 months, I am often asked what I did to increase my milk supply.  I cannot guarantee that this will work for everyone, but for my part, these are the things I did to ensure I had enough milk supply:


1.  Make sure you drink lots of fluids.
2.  Make sure you take calcium supplement.
3.  Let your baby latch on as often as you can.
4.  Try to express milk in between the baby's feedings.  If your body feels that the demand is high, it will try to increase its supply. Make sure you invest in a good breast pump.  This will go a long way.
5.  Eat lots of horseradish (malunggay  Moringa oleifera).
6.  Take supplements such as Fenugreek.
7.   Drink natural cocoa 2-3 times per day.  Chocolate is known to be a galactagogue.


Some people even go as far as taking medications to boost their milk supply.  I did not want to do this since there are medications which may be passed on to the baby via the breastmilk.  So, breastfeeding moms need to be very careful with food and medication intake.


Breastfeeding has not been an easy task.  There will be pain, there will be times when you will want to stop because it's 24/7 work, you will have to bring your breast pump with you wherever you go, there may be different nipple and breast complications.  But, what kept me going for more than two years was knowing how much it would benefit my daughter.  That alone was enough reason for me to endure everything and persevere. 


Now that I am getting ready for my second baby, there is no question that I would do everything I did for baby J all over again.  Breast pump ready. Breastfeeding bags on standby.  Purelan cream on standby.  Cold nipple compress ready.  Bring it on!  Excited to go on another breastfeeding journey.

Things to prepare for baby number two

As we prepare for the arrival of our second bundle of joy, I cannot help but reminisce about all the preparations we did for the arrival of baby J.  Indeed, it is easier the second time around.  Although, because of the feeling that you've "been there, done that", there is also the nagging fear that we may become too complacent in preparing for the arrival of the second one.

Of course, as we prepare all the things the wee one will need, we also have to consider logistics about taking care of two kids instead of one. 

So, how are we going about our preparations? 

1. Be on the lookout for a good deal.  If you do not follow beliefs that  you cannot buy clothes for an unborn child, then once you find a good bargain, I suggest you start purchasing.  Yes, it may take up a lot of space in the house, but the money you save will be worth it.  This, in addition to the fact that you don't feel the expense as opposed to buying everything in one go.

2. Consider selling pre-loved items.  Because baby J is still using a stroller, especially when we go on our trips overseas, we decided to purchase a stroller for two kids. But because it would be a waste to keep many strollers around the house, we decided to sell our existing stroller, at least it reduces clutter around the house, while at the same time, adding some money to purchase the new one.

3. Start bringing out items of your firstborn.  We already started taking inventory of the things we can re-use for our second one.  Items such as newborn bathing tubs, infant car seat, cot, swaddles, infant pajamas, cloth diapers, and bottles are some of the things we are using for the wee one.

4. Ensure all safety measures are in place.  Because we cannot devote 100% of our time on baby J anymore, we are making sure the house is even more secure than ever.  Make sure there are guard rails along stairs, child-proof every aspect of the house, not for the new baby but for your toddler.

5. Prepare your firstborn for the arrival of the baby.  Since we found out we were having another baby, the hubby and I have always been telling baby J about the arrival of a sibling. She has since so gotten the idea that she always tells me that when the baby comes, she will play mega-bloks or play-doh with the baby.  She would even get milk when we go to the grocery and tell me that she wants to buy it for the baby so the baby can drink it when the baby comes out.

It has been a more challenging pregnancy for me this time around, because you do not only care for yourself and the baby inside you, but also for the toddler you already have who is like the energizer bunny.  But, it has been more fun as well.  Time seems to fly.  Before you know it, you are already in your third trimester of your pregnancy.

For those who are preparing for baby number two or those who have had baby number two already, how are you preparing for the new arrival to the family?  Please do share your thoughts.