Giving up your career to start a family

"Would you give up your career to start a family?" This is a very familiar question being asked of women during job interviews to gauge their commitment to the job.  I will not lie,  I have been asked the same question during my application into medical school. During that time, I was too busy trying to be a successful woman, so naturally, my answer was a big, fat, NO.

I went on to follow my dreams and worked hard to obtain the goals I have set for myself. I finished medical school, became the head of the Interns' union, got into the residency program of the biggest government hospital in the country, where I also became the chief resident, and then proceeded to train overseas for two sub-specialty programs of my chosen discipline. I had everything going for me.  Until I decided that it was time to start a family.

When the boyfriend (now the hubby) and I decided to get married and start our own family, my career in the hospital had to take a backseat.  Nobody forced me to do it.  It was a voluntary decision on my part because I felt that I have already devoted my younger years into becoming a good doctor.  It is now my responsibility to devote myself into becoming a good mother and wife.  No, I did not quit my job to become a homemaker. Instead, I left the hospital to work in a 9 to 5 job so that I was as healthy as I possibly could during the entire pregnancy for my baby's sake.  The hospital will still be there when I am ready to go back, but I cannot tell my baby to stop growing up until I am ready to see her grow.

Coming back to work was even harder after baby J came out.  But, I also had to think about her future.  So, back to work I went.  I still went back to my office job, giving lectures and training across SEA.

Oftentimes, I get asked by fellow clinicians why I decided to leave the hospital, if I am ever going back to the hospital. I was even told one time that I am a very good doctor, to leave the practice will be a total waste.  I just take it all in stride.  Sometimes, I take the time to explain why I made the decision, other times, I just simply ignore the comments.  I have never regretted this decision.  To be able to spend a lot of time with baby J, watching her grow and start exploring the world is totally worth it.  It is also a very nice perk that she is a very sweet, expressive child.  She would just suddenly come up to me and give me a hug, or squeeze my face to express herself.  She makes this world a very happy place just by being in it.

Giving up my career for my baby is just a small thing when I compare what other moms have to give up for their babies.  And if I had to do everything all over again, I would still choose to do this.  We owe it to our children to be the best parents we can be for them.  After all, it was our choice to become parents.  Our babies never had a say in the matter.

Now I ask you: "What are you willing to give up for your baby?"

7 Ways to prepare for our children's future financially

Now that you have given birth, the stresses of preparing for the little one's arrival has now been replaced with the stresses of parenthood.  In the initial months, you will be too busy adjusting to the lack of sleep and caring for the baby 24/7 to even bother thinking too far ahead.  But once everything starts to settle down, you need to start planning your finances for your child's future.

Since the arrival of baby J, the pressure to earn more and save more has become even more palpable, especially since we are living in the world's most expensive city as of this writing. So, what should young parents do to try to prepare for their children's future financially?

1. Do not spend more than what you are earning.   Yes, having a baby is a very good excuse to go on a shopping spree all the time.  But, we need to remember that our babies grow up very fast.  We should not use up our entire salary every month.

2. Save at least 30% of your monthly income. Financial analysts always say that to be able to cope with retrenchment, you should have at least 6 months' worth of salary in the bank to be able to keep you floating for at least 3 months. If such is the case, then ideally, we really should save 30% or more every month.
3. Look for passive income. For employees and professionals, we need to make sure we are earning something even after retirement.  Hence, we need to start looking for a way to earn passive income while we are still in the workforce.  Passive income may mean buying properties, investing in stocks (if you know how the stock market works), or other businesses that will afford you income after retirement.
4. Invest in a property. These days, it is so much easier to buy properties since many developers are now offering zero percent interest for in-house financing.  It is also easier to file for a home loan now with fixed interest rate for a few years.  While we are still capable of working and earning, we should start thinking about this.
4. Do not leave all your money in the bank. Businessmen do not believe in leaving all their money in the bank because leaving it in the bank will only give them a very small interest rate.  Whereas if they invest it, they have the chance to earn a whole lot more.
5. If your expenses go up, your income must go up.  If your expenses go up, cutting back on your savings is not the answer.  People in the financial industry always advise that a higher income is the only way to address this.  Once you have been accustomed to a certain lifestyle, it may be very difficult to change it in a heartbeat.
6. Do not use your child's money.  When children are given monetary gifts when they are young, do not use it to buy things for them.  Instead, save the money and give it to them once they are mature enough to handle their finances.
7. Teach your child early on about the value of money. Children should learn the value of money early so they will not be dependent on their parents someday.  Yes, parents will always be there to support their children, but at the same time, we should encourage them to open their wings and soar on their own merit.  We should teach them to strive and work for what they want so they will bring this attitude with them when they grow up.

All these things may seem easier said than done, but, we have to start somewhere.  Let our children be our inspiration.  Let us not start tomorrow, but begin today.  After all, "The journey of a thousand miles, begins with a single step." - Lao Tzu

Preparing for your baby's arrival

When the hubby and I first found out that I was pregnant, we were of course, very ecstatic.  But after the initial joy of the news, we realized we had so many things to prepare for.  It was overwhelming just thinking about the things we will be needing, especially since we are shuttling between two countries.  We had to have two of most things.  But, I can say that I am luckier than most people, since we did not have to spend so much on the baby's things because of family and friends who gave us a lot of the things we will be needing. 

So, what did we do to make the buying not so painful? 
1. Decide on the things you need to buy. We decided on the things we felt needed to be brand new for the baby and then we started to be on the lookout for Baby Expos and baby store deals happening. 

Among the things that have to be brand new are the following:
a. Stroller
b. Infant Car Seat
c. Breast pump
d. Mattress

Safety experts do not recommend buying second-hand strollers and car seats unless you trust the owner, because these items may have been damaged in an accident, putting into question the safety of your car seat or stroller.

Breast pumps are also not meant to be shared for health reasons (since breast milk after all, is body fluid).  In fact, the warranty of breast pumps become void if it is found out that there were multiple users for it.

2. Buy early and in batches. We decided to buy baby stuff early and in small quantities so we would not feel the pinch when the bills came.  Other people do not want to stock up on things early because it takes up a considerable space at home.  But for us, we decided to stock up on those things as we felt the good deals may not be around anymore when I am close to my delivery date.

3. Set aside money every month for the hospital bill as well as other expenses. Another thing we did was to start setting aside money every month for the hospital expenses of my delivery.  We started doing this from the time we found out I was pregnant.  We jacked up the estimated cost also so that we are prepared should the expenses go up unexpectedly.

4.  Do not go overboard by buying too many baby clothes. When we were buying stuff for the baby, we just made sure the baby would have something to wear in the first few days of life.  We knew our relatives and friends would most likely be giving us clothes as gifts, so we decided to just use the money for something else.

5. Order online.  I would frequently check Amazon for items I would be using when the baby came.  A lot of the items I bought were significantly cheaper than those you would find in the store.

6. Check the latest guidelines on newborn safety before buying anything. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) has been a major concern over the last few years, hence, many things have changed in terms of caring for our newborn baby.  Read up on things that may potentially be harmful for the newborn and check the recommended clothing, beddings, etc to prevent such incident from happening.

By doing all of these, we were pretty much ready 2 months before my due date.  It helped that many people actually gave us a lot of gifts for the baby.  But by starting early, it also did not hit our monthly budget drastically.  We barely felt the stress of the preparation.

Preparing for the arrival of our little one is a very exciting period not only for you as a couple, but also for your extended family, so you shouldn't remember this as a period of stress, instead you should enjoy the journey.  After all, you were given 9 months to prepare for this. 

11 Signs you have a good partner

Over the years, I have seen a lot of failed relationships, both from friends and relatives alike.  It is heartbreaking to hear how the supposed "love of your life" can turn into the person you never ever want to see again.

On the other hand, I also see relationships that have survived many trials, through many decades, and through many kilograms.  Such relationships are what inspired me to write this.  If we have found a good life partner, we should cherish them and we should never stop working to make the relationship last.  After all, marriage does not mean you can now stop all the efforts you have been doing for your partner.  In fact, marriage means you have to work even harder for the relationship to last.

Below are just some of the signs to say that you have found a good husband:

1.  He will always make time for you.  A person who gives you importance will always make time for you.  He will find ways to make sure he is there for you. But if he doesn't give yo importance, he will always have excuses
2.  He is a devoted father.  A good spouse should also be a good father. The responsibility of raising kids does not and should not fall solely on the mother, especially in this day and age where equality of the sexes is always being pushed, and women are also holding leadership roles.
3.  He takes care of your parents. A husband who loves you will not only take care of you but also of the people you care about.  So, if he takes care of your parents (even without you asking him to), then he is definitely a keeper.
4.  He is a good son.A good husband, usually is not only a good husband, but a good son and son-in-law as well.  How can he treat you well if he cannot even treat his family nicely?
5.  He puts God in the center of your relationship. Couples who put God in the center of their relationship can usually weather all trials that come their way while keeping their faith in God and in each other.
6.  He loves you for who you are. In a relationship, you should never have to pretend to be someone you are not.  Your husband should not love you for who he wants you to be, rather, he should love you for who you truly are.
7.  He is attentive to your needs. A man who truly loves you will know what you need even before you ask for it because he is sensitive to your needs and because he really knows you.
8.  He is always there to support you. In every relationship, it is our obligation to always be supportive of our spouse.  We should be there when he/ she is soaring high, but we should be there even more when he/ she is falling.
9.  He treats you as an equal partner in the relationship. Your partner should always treat you as an equal in the relationship.  He should not feel superior nor inferior.  When partners treat each other as equals, there will be less conflict.
10.  He is hardworking. A good partner will always have your best interest at heart.  Yes, love makes the world go round.  But in the real world, love will not give you food for your stomach, a roof over your head, or even clothes on your back. We also need to work to survive.  We should not look at the bank account before we enter a relationship. Instead, we should look at the attitude of the person.  After all, hard work goes a long way.
11.  He appreciates you. A man who loves you appreciates you for who you are and what you are to him.  When a man appreciates you, he will take care of you.

If you have found a partner who has all of these traits, do not let him go!  If he has hit the jackpot with you, you have also hit the jackpot with him.  Be thankful that in this big, crazy world, you have found the one that was truly meant for you.